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“Losing forgiveness for not knowing how to look and not wanting to see” article by Pepa Horno for the BBK Family program

Image from the article on the BBK Family blogThe article that they raised me from BBK Family it was quite a challenge. Talk about the forgiveness that as families we can ask victims of child sexual abuse, to the kids, girls and adolescents who are living it and we do not know how to detect yet, and the inner child that lives within so many men and women that society did not know how to see, those he called sick, crazy and liars; sick, crazy and liars.

I've tried to talk about that shaking feeling, of emptiness, of fragility that invades us when we begin to be aware of something that we have denied, minimized or even ridiculed. And that is happening to us as a society with violence against children and especially with child sexual abuse..

Since CI Spirals we have talked a lot about this topic, how social change is a reality, that impunity for offenders is beginning to decrease and how this is the truly effective way to end any form of violence. They are not the strategies that we implement with the victims or with those who attack, but the generation of a safe and protective environment created by the people who witness or intuit it and decide to act. It is silence that makes trauma possible, as it says Begoña Aznárez, and ending that silence is an essential condition to eradicate violence.

But to break that silence, the society, families have to do a process of consciousness that hurts. That process by which teachers, when you shape them, put names and surnames, and above all they put a face to what you explain. “But I had a boy like that last year in class“, “That girl did that…”. That process that neighbors do when it is discovered that a child has been abused, or appears murdered, those who saw him play in the park, those whose children shared class with him or her. And we think of that sad look, in those dark circles, in that girl who lived in a protection center and the educators saw how she always trembled when a door was closed. The same girl who insulted them and said “pass them”. And in so many other faces that we begin to see when we learn to look.

Asking for forgiveness means honoring and naming the pain of those who have suffered. Giving it a name makes it real. That is why it is necessary and legitimate. And it carries a commitment. An option that doesn't always come, but as a society we need to break the silence.

Years ago I posted a article here in which he spoke of two phases of forgiveness: affective integration of lived experience, your acceptance, and a second, rebuilding the link. The first is part of the grieving and recovery process.. The second is a personal choice that can never be forced or set as a condition in a healing process.. Victims of child sexual abuse have the right to forgive and unforgive, and both can be protective decisions. But they should never consider forgiveness if they do not live in a trustworthy society.. Y, for the moment, we are only on the way to be.

Consciousness leads us to know how to look. And see hurts. Asking for forgiveness is the first step to being trustworthy.

Pepa Horno

Comments

Comment the Carmen Torcal
16 September, 2021

Joe, always so sensitive and respectful , giving voice to the invisible.
Thanks

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