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“Losing forgiveness for not knowing how to look and not wanting to see” article by Pepa Horno for the BBK Family program

Image from the article on the BBK Family blogThe article that they raised me from BBK Family it was quite a challenge. Talk about the forgiveness that as families we can ask victims of child sexual abuse, to the kids, girls and adolescents who are living it and we do not know how to detect yet, and the inner child that lives within so many men and women that society did not know how to see, those he called sick, crazy and liars; sick, crazy and liars.

I've tried to talk about that shaking feeling, of emptiness, of fragility that invades us when we begin to be aware of something that we have denied, minimized or even ridiculed. And that is happening to us as a society with violence against children and especially with child sexual abuse..

Since CI Spirals we have talked a lot about this topic, how social change is a reality, that impunity for offenders is beginning to decrease and how this is the truly effective way to end any form of violence. They are not the strategies that we implement with the victims or with those who attack, but the generation of a safe and protective environment created by the people who witness or intuit it and decide to act. It is silence that makes trauma possible, as it says Begoña Aznárez, and ending that silence is an essential condition to eradicate violence.

But to break that silence, the society, families have to do a process of consciousness that hurts. That process by which teachers, when you shape them, put names and surnames, and above all they put a face to what you explain. “But I had a boy like that last year in class“, “That girl did that…”. That process that neighbors do when it is discovered that a child has been abused, or appears murdered, those who saw him play in the park, those whose children shared class with him or her. And we think of that sad look, in those dark circles, in that girl who lived in a protection center and the educators saw how she always trembled when a door was closed. The same girl who insulted them and said “pass them”. And in so many other faces that we begin to see when we learn to look.

Asking for forgiveness means honoring and naming the pain of those who have suffered. Giving it a name makes it real. That is why it is necessary and legitimate. And it carries a commitment. An option that doesn't always come, but as a society we need to break the silence.

Years ago I posted a article here in which he spoke of two phases of forgiveness: affective integration of lived experience, your acceptance, and a second, rebuilding the link. The first is part of the grieving and recovery process.. The second is a personal choice that can never be forced or set as a condition in a healing process.. Victims of child sexual abuse have the right to forgive and unforgive, and both can be protective decisions. But they should never consider forgiveness if they do not live in a trustworthy society.. Y, for the moment, we are only on the way to be.

Consciousness leads us to know how to look. And see hurts. Asking for forgiveness is the first step to being trustworthy.

Pepa Horno

Project “Renewing from within”

Portada del documento "Renovando desde dentro"Sometimes life brings unexpected gifts.

At the beginning of the pandemic we were invited to participate in a group of people who have been cause for hope in these difficult times. Alberto Rodríguez and Javier Múgica took the initiative, and they invited us to the rest: Antonio Ferrandis, Marta Llauradó, Javier Soriano Romeu and, from CI Spirals, although in a personal capacity, Pepa Horno and F. Javier Romeo Biedermann. It is a group of people involved with the welfare of children, girls and adolescents who are in the protection system in Spain. What started as a series of online chats eventually evolved into an informal working group. And a year later we have the honor of presenting the results in a document that we have written collaboratively. We present them Renewing from within. Seven challenges and proposals to improve the child protection system in Spain.

And we invite you to download them The document, to read it and to send comments, ideas and proposals. Since the official website of the initiative we will continue to expand each of the proposals over the next few months. See you on that website.

With hope and awareness,

Pepa Horno and F. Javier Romeo

Online presentation of the book “Putting soul to pain. Therapeutic intervention with children, girls and adolescents victims of child sexual abuse” the 22 April 2021

Cartel de invitación a la presentación del libro "Poniendo alma al dolor"Online presentation of the book Putting soul to pain. Therapeutic intervention with children, girls and adolescents victims of child sexual abuse, Organized by Official College of Psychology of the Balearic Islands (COPIB).


  • Coral Mínguez. Psychologist. Member of the Governing Board of Official College of Psychology of the Balearic Islands (COPIB).


  • Pepa Horno. Child psychologist and consultant, affection and protection. Book coordinator.
  • Elena Gonzalez. Psychologist. Therapist of the Child Sexual Abuse Treatment Unit (UTASI). Author of the book.
  • Carolina Moniño. Psychologist. Therapist of the Child Sexual Abuse Treatment Unit (UTASI). Author of the book.
  • Carmen ruiz. Psychologist. Therapist of the Child Sexual Abuse Treatment Unit (UTASI). Author of the book.

Date: Thursday, 22 April 2021 to 19:30 (Mallorca time).
Connection available by zoom:

[Original Entry 13 April 2021, updated 22 April 2021, date of the online event].

Affective-sexual education guide for adolescents “Dare to feel, dare to take care and take care of yourself” prepared by Itziar Fernández and Pepa Horno for the Burgos City Council

Since CI Spirals, we understand affective-sexual education as a human right of children, and adolescents; but also, as a preventive factor that contributes to promoting healthy physical and mental development from an early age.

Our body is a source of communication, affection, tenderness and pleasure. We are sexed beings and sexuality is a dimension of the human being from birth to death, there is enormous variability in the ways of living it, to express it, in the ways of being and relating.

There are many reports and investigations that have been warning of the problems associated with the consumption of pornography from an early age and its relationship with the perpetuation of gender violence in young couples and the increase in sexual violence both within and outside the couple.

When these and these teens have been asked, They report that they turn to the internet and their friends to solve all their doubts related to sexuality; and complain that school educational programs are fundamentally focused on the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases, something that is necessary, but insufficient to understand the wide range of elements that make up a healthy affective-sexual and couple relationship.

And they are right: From educational contexts we have been addressing affective-sexual education treating different topics as if they were watertight compartments: we talk about stereotypes, gender violence, affective-sexual diversity, prevention of sexually transmitted diseases, leaving aside very important aspects.

The first part of your own denomination: education AFFECTIVE-sexual and everything that has to do with desire, eroticism and pleasure. With the arrival of adolescence, desire and sexual attraction are gaining ground. Body and hormonal changes are imposed and can generate a lot of uncertainty and insecurity. This can affect our self-esteem, and a fundamental step to be able to live our affective relationships in a safe and pleasant way is to feel good inside our own body. Pleasure is in the mind, and this is about loving and accepting us first.

The culture of the image and the bombardment of differential stereotypes for boys and girls through the networks does not help at all, quite the opposite, transmits an image of a "unique model" where they must fit in to feel accepted.

On the other hand, the way we express or live our sexuality is unique and personal. Diversity is part of human nature and there are as many ways of feeling and living as people on the planet. Questions arise like: “How is my body?”, “Who I am?”, “Who attracts me?”, “How do I show myself to the world?”. Approach diversity with respect for individuality, assuming a social responsibility to stop machismo, lgtbiphobia and transphobia will allow us to contribute to the establishment of more egalitarian relationships and to the fact that adolescence can be experienced with greater freedom.

Starting from this base, we want boys and girls to be able to clearly differentiate what an affective relationship is (you, free, safe and reciprocal) of a harmful relationship where we can fall into abusive models. That is why we have to talk about respect and care. Since CI Spirals today we spread the Affective-sexual education guide: Dare to feel, dare to take care and watch over you we have prepared Itziar Fernández Cortés and Pepa Horno Goicoechea for him Burgos City Council with illustrations of Patricia corrales, and that addresses affective-sexual education from this perspective, uniting the affectivity, sexuality and protection. We have written it in a direct and simple language so that it can be read directly by adolescents between 13 and 18 years, with some relevant information also for families.

We hope that your pages can be a material where adolescents find an answer to their curiosity., calling things by name, and highlighting the indivisible union between sexuality, affection, placer, respect and intimacy.

Itziar Fernandez and Pepa Horno

Book “Putting soul to pain. Therapeutic intervention with children, girls and adolescents victims of child sexual abuse” coordinated by Pepa Horno

Portada del libro "Poniendo alma al dolor"Technical supervision is a unique learning space, not only for those who receive it but for those who supervise. In recent years since CI Spirals We have the privilege of supervising teams of professionals from different areas of the protection system. The objective is to improve the quality of the intervention from the professional's awareness process. A space in which cases are discussed, but above all from the internal experience of each professional and as a team.

In these spaces we meet incredible professionals. Professionals with a great technical background, but above all with an inestimable human quality and a commitment to the pain of the people they serve difficult to match. This is the case of Elena González, Carolina Moniño and Carmen Ruiz, psychologists of the UTASI, The Therapeutic Unit for Child Sexual Abuse who created the Directorate General of Children, Youth and Families of the Government of the Balearic Islands to take care of the children, girls and adolescents victims of sexual abuse and with protective families.

Within the framework of this supervision, the project for this book arose, Putting soul to pain. Therapeutic intervention with children, girls and adolescents victims of child sexual abuse, which has just been published by the editorial Desclée De Brouwer. Again we thank the editorial Desclée De Brouwer its commitment to the publication and dissemination of works aimed at improving technical interventions from psychology.

In recent years, many publications on child sexual abuse have been developed in our country. But very few describe the therapeutic process for caring for children, girls and adolescents victims of sexual abuse. We are not referring to a technical manual on areas to address or understanding abuse, but to a detailed description of HOW to approach it. A description of the process that is followed in the consultation from the first day the child arrives, girl or adolescent until closing session. With enough detail to allow it to be replicated by other professionals in various contexts. Professionals who work, being or not aware of it, with children, girls and adolescents victims of child sexual abuse. For this reason, from CI Spirals we recommend reading it to all professionals who work in the protection system, but not only, also to any therapist who works with children, and adolescents.

Putting soul to pain also has a second value, and it is the bet that its authors made to give soul and voice to that story. And it could not be another voice than that of children, girls and adolescents who went through treatment at the time and their families. Because his voice is the only one that can convey his courage, their capacity for resilience and their therapeutic process.

Child sexual abuse does not have to be a conviction, and the stories in this book prove it. It does not imply a sentence if the appropriate therapeutic help and accompaniment is received, in which affective warmth is understood as a condition for technical rigor. Nor is it a condemnation if you have a solid emotional support network, which is another factor that is talked about a lot in this book: the role of the support network beyond families. The stories in its pages give this book congruence and consistency.

For me it has been a privilege to coordinate and participate in the development of this book, as well as for Javier Romeo carry out the first technical review of your content. We believe that it is a necessary book and had to be written by active professionals, with the legitimacy of years of experience watching children, girls and adolescents victims of child sexual abuse. And with the soul that only three professionals like them could give their pages.

As I wrote in the prologue, “This book keeps the horror and wonder of which the human being is capable. Y, especially, the light that arises from the darkness when professional rigor is united, honesty and human warmth”. We trust that you will receive the welcome you deserve.

Pepa Horno

Conscious coffee: online presentation of the book “Metaphors for consciousness” by Pepa Horno on 14 December 2020

Conscious coffee: an online book presentation event Metaphors for consciousness by its author, Pepa Horno Goicoechea, and his illustrator, that Zaida escobar (see Zaida Escobar's account on Instagram), in moderation of F. Javier Romeo, organized from Spiral Consulting Children in collaboration with the Editorial Desclée De Brouwer.

Date: Monday 14 December 2020, the 15:00 a 16:00 (Madrid / Mallorca time).

Place: online activity.

The event will be held through the Zoom platform.

[Original Entry 02 December 2020, updated 14 December 2020, date of the event].

“Metaphors for consciousness”, new book by Pepa Horno and presentation video

Every new book is a gift, the end of a project that lasts many months. Like a dream that, taking shape, becomes real. Today I am lucky to be able to introduce you Metaphors for consciousness, book me number 13. It's a good number to make a spiral. Because this book is mine like the previous ones, but at the same time it's different.

Metaphors for consciousness collects the images that I use the most in training and therapy. They are images that I shaped throughout my professional career, in an attempt to give “lifetime” and make the technical concepts of psychology understandable. This book is a good example that it is the way of doing things that marks the effectiveness of what we do as professionals. It is not so much the “what”. It is mostly the “how come”. This book contains many hours searching “how come” accurate.

They are metaphors that I have been able to verify over the years that help people to make their “building” interior (preview of one of the metaphors), to bring awareness to their life story and understand how they have come to be who they are. Pictures that help them see their “boy” the “girl” interior, to take care of it, pet or cradle him.

How I write on the back cover:

“This book is written for anyone who wants to ask questions, look in, raise awareness. The consciousness that allows us to understand our personal history and, From there, be free and have peace. That peace that comes when we can understand and order. When can we let go. When we can honor”. (Download the presentation brochure).

It is not a technical book, but yes it is. It is not a poetic book, but so is. It is narration and illustration with the wonderful images that Zaida escobar (see Zaida Escobar's account on Instagram) has created for each of the metaphors, of the texts. Each metaphor is narrated in two languages: a poetic one that anyone can read and with hardly any technical terms; and other, the visual and soul, through the illustrations that accompany each text and give it life and depth. Thanks from my heart, Zaida, for giving these pages another life.

Thanks also to the publisher Desclée De Brouwer that, again, bet again for my work.

I really believe that this book deserves to be gifted. That's why i wrote it. So that those images reach beyond my query, of my lectures… even all those who want to use them to look inside or to accompany others in that process of conscious gazing.

I just hope you like it, that excites you like me, serve them. Whatever is, it will be OK.

Pepa Horno

Upgrading to 23 December 2020

The book presentation video is now available at the online event “Conscious coffee” made by videoconference with the participation of Pepa Horno, author of, and Zaida escobar (see Zaida Escobar's account on Instagram), the illustrator. In the presentation two metaphors are read and the symbolism of the illustrations and their elaboration process are explained, and there is conversation through participation in the chat.

“From family to community, of the bond to the affective network: transforming the look into the intervention”, course by Pepa Horno on 16 October 2020 in Donostia / San Sebastián

Classroom and online course “From family to community, from the link to the affective network: transforming the look and the intervention” given by Pepa Horno and organized by glow.

Date: Friday, 16 October of 2020 the 09:30 a 13:30.

Place: Bastero Cultural Center
Ondarreta 18
Andoain (Gipuzkoa)

Face-to-face format for 30 people in order of registration and online.


[Original Entry 28 September 2020, updated 16 October 2020, date of the event].

“Raising to tribe, grow network”, Pepa Horno online conference organized by BBK Family on 29 September 2020

Videoconference “Raising to tribe, grow network: the affective network as the key to integrating uncertainty”, provided by Pepa Horno and organized by BBK Family.

Date: Tuesday, 29 September 2020, the 18:00 a 19:30 (Bilbao time).

Free entry online. To reserve a ticket sign up on the BBK Family website.

[Original Entry 15 September 2020, updated 1 October 2020, date of publication of the event online].

You can see the full conference in the following youtube video:

“Link, trauma and dissociation in children, and adolescents”, Lecture by Pepa Horno at the II Uruguayan Psychotraumatology Conference on 26 September 2020

Online conference “Link, trauma and dissociation in children, and adolescents” provided by Pepa Horno Goicoechea in the II Uruguayan Conference of Psychotraumatology ON LINE organized by CEPsTRA.

Date: Saturday 26 September 2020, to 11:00 Uruguay hours, 16:00 of mainland Spain and the Balearic Islands.

Registration and more information at:

[Original Entry 10 September 2020, updated 26 September 2020, date of the online event].

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